Congruent Joy

When a Friend Is Unhappy… That You Don't Love Them Back

Ah, painful.

And awkward.

They might be a friend. Perhaps a close friend.

Perhaps someone you can trust completely.

Perhaps someone you’d be comfortable telling your deepest secrets.

A best friend for life.

And… they have a crush on you… they’re in love with you… you’re their “one”, they’re sure… you’d be perfect together if you only gave them a chance…

And they’re unhappy that you don’t want a relationship.

Oh, maybe you are in a relationship, or maybe you do want a relationship… just not a relationship with them. Ouch!

Imagine… imagine someone who loves chocolate, who adores chocolate, who craves chocolate, who wants chocolate more than anything else right now…

Standing outside a chocolate shop looking in through the shop window at all the delicious chocolate inside…

And the store is closed.

No chocolate for them.

There’s nothing you can do about it… yet you might still feel a bit guilty anyway.

Feeling their pain, certainly.

Their pain that you don’t love them, not in a romantic way.

Except…

Although that’s why they may think they’re unhappy, that’s not the reason.

If hypothetically they were happily munching on chocolate, they wouldn’t mind that this one particular shop was closed.

They might have a poignant sadness perhaps for their unrequited love for this one particular kind of chocolate… like seeing a beautiful sunset that one cannot touch… but it doesn’t have to be something to be miserable over.

They’re unhappy because they’re stuck.

Stuck not getting out there and dating and finding someone wonderful who does desire a romantic relationship with them.

And, yes, yes, you are amazing and wonderful and perfect for them.

Which can be productively used as a source of useful information

What are the qualities of yours that they respect and admire in you, that they find so endearing?

Well now they know what to look for

Why are they stuck? It could be perhaps because they lack the knowledge of how to date effectively. Or, it might be one of any number of other reasons.

In any case, you may need to employ a certain amount of firmness with your friend.

Yes, you value your friendship and yes, you would like to stay friends… but it’s hard to be a close friend with someone who is staying stuck.

It’s time for them to take action to get unstuck. If, for example, the problem is a lack of knowledge, go learn something about dating. Or, if the underlying issue is something else, take action to address that.

You deeply desire to be a good friend and want to support them in what’s best for them, getting unstuck… but not in staying stuck!