Congruent Joy

BDSM as Emotional Exercise

BDSM is commonly described as “dark”. If you explore BDSM, they say you’re “exploring your dark side”.

Go to a BDSM club or convention, a useful community resource of classes on how to practice BDSM safely and where you can explore your interests, and the theme is universally dark. A dungeon motif. The doms wear black.

And, certainly, it’s useful to have people color coded. Looking for a dom? Look for someone wearing black.

This “dark” and “evil” theme can of course be part of the thrill. Much like how people find a haunted house or a horror movie fun and thrilling in a dark way.

A way to have fun exploring dark fantasies that you wouldn’t want to do in real life.

A catharsis.

Yet not every movie needs to be a horror movie.

And not all BDSM needs to be dark BDSM.

BDSM is also commonly described as healing, rejuvenating, a way to unload and replenish after emotional stresses such as work.

Which, certainly, can be done using the dark modality. One theory for example is that we repress negative emotions in order to be positive and productive members of society and then we get to release those feelings within the safe container of dark BDSM.

And I expect some (perhaps many) people do in fact do that, and find dark BDSM helpful for that reason.

Yet BDSM can also have this replenishing effect without dark BDSM.

And I was curious, why?

I thought of another theory.

Why do we exercise?

During exercise we expend energy for no useful external purpose. For example, we go running, not to get to somewhere we want to go, but simply to run. We lift weights, not because we’re lifting stones to build a stone wall, but just to lift the weights.

We expend more physical effort during exercise than we normally expend during the day doing other things.

We try to make as much physical effort that we can during exercise that we can do safely, without it being too much.

Because this makes as stronger.

So that we do have energy during the day.

So that if we do need to dash somewhere we can.

So that if we do need to lift something heavy we’re able to.

And… what if BDSM was emotional exercise?

Typically, what someone is looking for in a BDSM experience is emotional intensity.

Of some kind. Different people may want to feel different kinds of emotions in the BDSM experience that they’re looking for, or perhaps different emotions at different times.

You can pick any emotion that you’re in the mood for… terror… joy… excitement… serenity… pleasure… pain… relaxation… and craft a BDSM experience for that emotion.

Feeling bored like you’re stuck in traffic is not what people are looking for in a BDSM experience. At least, maybe someone out there wants to feel like they’re stuck in traffic, but that’s not a fetish I’ve heard of.

And exercising the emotions has the same positive effect as physical exercise.

If, of course, it’s done safely, without going too far, without straining or injuring yourself, just like physical exercise.

And just as physical exercise makes you physically and mentally stronger (since exercise benefits your physical brain), emotional exercise helps you become stronger emotionally.

More emotionally resilient.